|
[15 Dec 2009|08:37pm] |
IM SOOO unhappy..... i hate myself and my body gosh.... i hope im down in weight 2moro... atleast 1 pound! im sooo sad, about 1 month ago i dumped my boyfriend so i could have more time concentrating on my eating disorder. i dnt regret it thoughhhh im happy about tht.
Xh0neybunnyX
|
|
|
[15 Dec 2009|11:27am] |
Hi, my name is Lisa. I am 23.
I used to be a member of anorexicqueen on livejournal but I can't remember my acount information so I had to make a new one.
I have been batteling with an eating disorder for over 5 years now.
exactly 4 weeks ago I had my second child.
I am having a really hard time getting the weight off. I have been eating hardly anything and have only lost 5 pounds so far.
I am very discouraged.
I am going to the store to purchase slim quick pills soon. I used to take them and I like to think they worked.
I am only going to eat fruits and vegtables and drink lots and lots of water.
I just feel so discusting. I know my boyfriend loves me even though I don't have the perfect body. I know he doesn't care.
What is funny is that he doesnt have the perfect body and I don't care. I find him to be the sexiest man I have ever met anyways. Why can't I see my self like that.
anyways. I really need the support. I need to get back to the way I was. Beautiful.
Heres my stats:
height: 5'6
current weight:170 lbs
Lowest weight"129 lbs
Goal weight: 125 lbs
This is a picture of me after losing weight after my first child. I want to get back to this or smaller. Smaller would be nice.
|
|
| 07 |
[15 Dec 2009|12:24am] |
Todays intake: 610.
Not horrible, but, obviously not the best. Because I keep telling myself that I am going to fast, But it never works out. Slowly though, everyday, I find myself less and less hungry the less I eat.
So my plan for tomorrow:
Do not eat before/at work.
Walk home from work (1 hr - 1 1/2 hrs)
Finish the last of my 0 cal salad.
From there I am going to watch Paper Heart. Holy cow. Michael Cera is amazing. I am so excited for it. Anywho that's basically the extent of what I have to say tonight.
my AIM: airyckahh.
Add me :)
xoxo,
Airyckah
|
|
|
[14 Dec 2009|09:55pm] |
Sacrifice is giving up something good for something better
:) Today was a good day for me. I found rules to stick by in order to get my goal weight and I am going to stick to them! I will get my goal weight and I will be skinny :) Today we had a Christmas party in one of my classes and I did not give into my cravings. I admit I did have a piece of pizza but I had no breakfast so I could afford the pizza. My thinspo was this GIANT girl stuffing her face and it made me realize that I did not want to end up like that.
I did a good hour of thigh exercises and ab workouts...skinny here i come :)
xoxo have a great night :) think skinny and be positive!
|
|
| GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!! |
[14 Dec 2009|08:39pm] |
HEY GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHH! If you only knew what i have been doing for the past 2 weeks.. EATING LIKE CRAZY! I feel so discusting and fat. ugh fuck. fuck. fuck. I reactivated my account on here because i seriously need to fucking lose 40 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Who wants to join me? I need inspiration and i need friends!!!
Please help me.. i dont know what diet to go on. I want to do a low calorie diet but i dont know what exacly i should do.. girls CAN YOU HELP!?!?!
JOIN ME! Read my journal! I will be posting daily!
<33333
Natasha
|
|
| words of wisdom. |
[14 Dec 2009|06:47pm] |
I'm sure you've all heard this saying before but Its something my grandmother used to say.
"A moment on the lips forever on the hips"
Remeber that during christmas when your surrounded by cookies!
<3
|
|
| Someone stop me! |
[14 Dec 2009|02:19pm] |
|
I've gone 8 days of being super-disciplined about my strict diet of uber-healthy-food-only and less than 1000 calories a day. I've been happier and I feel healthier - I even look a little skinnier.
But right now I am feeling a super-intense craving to binge on sweets because I am having some serious doubts about my relationship. I am emotional, I can't stop thinking and over-analyzing, and I want some sort of comfort. I've already talked to someone about what's bothering me last night - but it's not holding me over! I want to eat a big, gooey 10 million calorie dessert right now. I don't have any sweets in the house right now - but I have to be at work in two hours where my FAVORITE dessert in the whole world is constantly passed under my nose. [[I work in a restaurant as a waitress.]]
I'm scared I'm going to binge because I want it so bad - but I know that if I do, I will screw up everything... all the effort I've made so far, gone. And I'll feel even worse than I already do now.
Please give me support.
|
|
| I need some advice.... |
[14 Dec 2009|05:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
Ok, so new guy, 5 dates, no sex.
He is all happy and kissy and touchy when we're together but never seems to be forward on the shagging thing. on 1 occassion i said, "Seems to me you're cooling off, shall we call it a day?" He said that if he wasn't interested he'd say so and he still wants to see me. But there's nothing sexual going on. He said his last relationship was toxic and he wants to take things slowly...
Ok, sounds positive for me. Except he has cancelled seeing me for 2 weeks and now i'm due to see him this week.
Perhaps he is genuinely a polite nice man and i'm simply not used to being around a respectful man.
Anyway guys....what do you reckon...interested or not???
|
|
| Insomniac Rambling |
[14 Dec 2009|07:10am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cold |
] |
Well
I came up with a website to some nice facilities in Florida that do take Medicare so we'll have to see if they will allow the tube and if they really do take Medicare. I also have an idea about a residental place in Mississippi. If they don't take Medicare for the ED part but do for the other issues maybe I can get admitted under another mental health issue and get treated for the ED while I'm there too. It's an idea. I have more then one mental thing going on depression and severe anxiety especially.
I really was about to go to Friends but just can't get past the foood thing and boy my ED just went into complete over drive. I mean it kicked and screamed when I desided to try recovery, but when I was "going" through the process of getting the necessary thing together to get in, you know really go, it went " MAD" !
But these other places I found are a lot nicer. Although Friends looks nice, these looks nicer and has more activities. Although, if I can get that one treatment center to get around the Medicare rule by treating a different problem, its just like Remuda and REALLY nice. But not sure if it would work so these other places would be another solution.
Friends is just basically after doing the research a re-feeding program and has a revolving door. Seems busy but a revolving door and just fattens you up. First I really need to be gone way longer then 2-4 weeks. I need residental treatment to get rid of the underlying problems not just gain weight and send me on my way or I'll just strive to immediately lose it and be extremely miserable.
I am already rethinking treatment b/c I refuse to think beyond a size 3.Anything else isn't pretty to me. I want to be tall and thin.Nothing wrong with that. If I could build some muscle mass, I could be lean and healthy. I just don't have any right now or body fat.
I cannot believe Christas is coming up. I haven't begun to shop, no money. Im waiting on a check from my hositalizations.I may get Brad a Playstaytion 3. He's gonna get me a new laptop. We looked at some lastnight. We saw 2. One was more powerful by a smudge but the other was all white and I liked that and had a slightly longer battery life. but both had webcams. I can make Utube videos. YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh. I cannot wait to start making web diaries. I liked the white one though b/c it was different. I have to go for the different one everytime. If I could find a pink one I'd have to have it !!!! But the both play and write/RW duel layer CD/DVD's and all the good stuff. I wonder if I can find a pink one on line....hummmmmmmmmmmmm. I also showed him some clothes I wanted. He refuses to get me pants. HE is still so mad at me about the anorexia, thats another post in itself, Oh boy. But I also desperately have been wanting for months and months this scrapbook thing that actually makes scrapbooks. I've been doing them as a hobby for years but, have all this stuff but nothing to put them in. With this I could do all sorts of different binders, I want it soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad. I found it last Spring. You can make them in different shapes and decorate them. Then I'd do all sorts of books on family, me through the years,, Brad through the years, US thrugh the years, even an Ana book ( in secret ), a CF book )Camp book , ect ) Tons of ideas.I can't think of the name though, so I have to call the store and find out so I can find it on amazon or ebay and then make up a fake account for Brad so he can just go in and it'll be in the basket and he can just get it. Simple.
The only other thing I want, I know its a lot, is a Pink IPOD that takes pics and an IPhone ( it can be used ). As a family gift a set of new phones with and answering machine too YIKES.Also Some really Really good knives and a cutting board to help make soup ! ! ! Im being selfish. But, yah yah.
Oh yah, those new shoes out that are supposed to help your posture and back and make you look like you lost weight. I'd love some of those. Just to see if it cuts down on the pain level and lets me walk around more.
Ok, I am a brat, thats a lot.But Christmas comes once a year.
I have got to get up with the lady who has my camera charger, I have no way to take pics and want to get some Christmas shots to update my profile shot. I should get my hair done first though.....lol
I went to Body Central and found the neatest pair of jeans, sometimes they have the coolest clothes, in small sizes,even size 0 ! ! ! ! Well, even though I told Brad I won't by a 0 I'll buy a 3 and just get a scarf and cinch the heck outa it as an incentive to him to gain weight, yah right, he said no, so I guess, I'll have to buy them. Trouble is, he knows what they look like so he'll know I bought them. but they are so cool. not really black but a blue and black wash with black rinestones on the one side, but not to many to look tacky. Looks cool.They have so many cool things.
I will have to go on a clothes spree if I go to treatment in Mississippi or Florida and get a bunch of Cami's, Hoodies from Pacific Sun, and Tanks over at body Central again. I wanna find some cute leggings to go with my jean skirt too.I also need a scarf, way to big. I want to buy a few others. I'll have to look online though.But I think right now, if I get a bunch of cami's, t-shirts, a few hoodies, to wear with jeans that'll work. It shouldn't be roasting but not freezing either but have some cool days. I wanna look nice sometimes, but have plenty of clothes that care comfy and can just be thrown on like a cami or a t-shirt and cami and hoody.
I hope they let me take my laptop. The places didn't exclude them on their lists or cellphones. I also hope we have a TV. I can't sleep without one.
Well, I've babbled about nothing as usual, an other insomniac night. I have a bone scan this morning. this should be interesting.
Later Night Owels =)
|
|
| 06 |
[14 Dec 2009|01:17am] |
My plan: small salad tomorrow, no dressing, then fast.
My AIM is airyckahh - add me!
|
|
| I Will Be Skinny |
[13 Dec 2009|06:34pm] |
"Giving in to food shows weakness, be strong and you will be better than everyone else."
So I admit that I slipped up but not anymore. I will be skinny and 120 by january. I can do it. I just need force myself not to eat and limit my calorie intake when I have to eat.
Does anyone have any exercise ideas to trim down thighs? I have thunder thighs!
|
|
| new start |
[13 Dec 2009|10:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 accomplished |
] |
FROM NOW ON I WILL NOT GIVE IN TO MY CRAVINGS I WILL BE SKINNY I WILL BE STRONG I WILL BE PURE I DO NOT NEED FOOD TO BE BEAUTIFULL I NEED PURENESS STAY STRONG GIRLSS ALL MY LOVE AND SUPPORT ROSE X X X PS SHOUT OUT TO MY CRAVINGS FUCKKK YOU ;)
|
|
|
[13 Dec 2009|10:01pm] |
ive decided something. I cant make my ahir grow faster(i want it long, below my boobs and i need 6 more inches (16cm)) but i can certainly get my body to how i want!
is anybody else dreading christmas becuase of food time ?? :\
|
|
|
[12 Dec 2009|08:35pm] |
Hello everyone! My name is Angie and I am new to this whole livejournal thing I have been adding what seem to be good spport sites for anorexics like myself. I am 20 and have been anorexic for 2 years.
Height: 5'7"
CW:90 lbs
LW:85 lbs
GW:80 lbs
Here is some great thinspo I found! Hope it helps...think thin ladies.
|
|
|
[12 Dec 2009|10:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
accomplished |
] |
Only had 435 calories today. 600 yesterday, 450 the day before and 600 the day before that. And all those calories were nothing but super healthy food also [[fruit, veggies, oatmeal, etc.]]. No binging or giving into my cravings. No using sugar to deal with my emotions.
:-)
Comparing last week to this week... I feel thinner, definitely less "bloated-looking" and someone said that my face looks like I lost a little weight.
Can't wait to buy myself a scale. I'm not so scared of it now.
|
|
|
[12 Dec 2009|03:44pm] |
How strange, last night, had alot curry. not loadss but a fiar old amount, then later i had some pringles
wake up in the morning im not only 117lbs:O
So im 8.5 stone! which means ive eaten loads yet lost 1lb. but to keep it up im going to have 2 do alot of excercise today :(
|
|
|
[11 Dec 2009|08:15pm] |
Ok so I just got done playing ball..(we won!! 64-18)
I am pretty hungry and I dont know if i should eat or not! HELP!!
Before the game I ate a Special K protien bar to give me engery but that was 174 calories and 45 were from FAT!!
Some advice please...
ps if i was gonna eat it with be Ramon Noodles but not as soup. Boil the water cook the noodles and eat it like pasta.....HELP!
|
|
|
[10 Dec 2009|07:20pm] |
Hi! I am new to this site. I am looking for help and a friends who gets what I am going through. People tell me im "skinny" all the time but I just feel so fat ugh.
Current weight: 132.2
Goal Weight: 120
I know that my goal weight seems really high but I am 5'11 right now. I know for a fact that most of my body weight is muscle. I am an athlete and work out everyday and I still can get my weight to come off. That is why I need your support and tips in helping me loose some weight!
Thanks for your help!
|
|
|
[10 Dec 2009|05:38pm] |
I wish I could stop beating myself up over things...really I do.
Last week was so great. I stuck to my diet perfectly, I really did, and I lost 8 pounds in a week.
But this week has been terrible...I mean haven't "binged" or anything, I've just been actually eating. it's making me miserable.
I haven't weighed myself in a week, I'm too scared to.
I'm hopefully going to the gym tonight...
I'm just so stressed..
|
|
|
[10 Dec 2009|08:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 mellow |
] |
im in the middle of a monster binge... not swallowing all of it of course =D
im starting to go back to some of my old ways im not sure if thats a bad or a good thing =/
stay strong ladies and gents xx
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
anaqu33n's Friends Page